“Sausage King” Killed In Sauna With A Crossbow

November 02, 2020

Vladimir Marugov, who owned some of Russia’s largest meat processing plants, was found murdered in a sauna with a crossbow. While this murder was taken to the press for the gory details, Twitter is commenting on the similarity of the BBC’s chosen verbiage to verbiage used in the popular American board game “Clue,” among other things.

the Clue update is lit https://t.co/5i7fqtabqD

— shauna (@goldengateblond) November 2, 2020

The Murder

The Russian oligarch and businessman was nicknamed “the Sausage King” for owning the sausage factories “Ozyorsky sausages” and “Meat Empire.”  Magurov was in an outdoor sauna with his partner when  the couple was attacked by several masked assailants. The assailants tied up Marugov and his partner, all the while demanding money. They wanted to know where all the money and valuables were in the house, and even tortured Marugov for information. His girlfriend managed to escape through a window and call the police from a neighboring house, but Marugov wasn’t so lucky. His body was found in the sauna with a crossbow next to it. 

The investigative committee reported that the intruders were demanding cash from Mr.Marugov, before they fled the scene.  Authorities also reported that Marugov was tortured for an hour after being shot by his assailants, and died from blood loss before the police arrived. Marugov had visible wounds on his back and shoulder.

Marugov had been involved in a well reported property dispute with his ex-wife, and rumors have circulated of financial difficulties and debt in his former marriage. 

The murder took place at Mr.Marugov’s countryside estate, some 25 miles outside of Moscow.  

The police have detained two suspects in connection with the murder, but they have not been named. The getaway car used by the assailants, a silver Citroen,  has also been found by authorities outside Moscow, in the town of Istra.  When they found the car the assailants had already fled by foot.

Marugov’s son died in a motorcycle accident last year. Marugov is survived by his ex-wife, the poet Tatyana Marugova.

Weirdly, Magurov’s death was not the only gnarly incident to take place in a sauna. In fact, just last month a reindeer herder was attacked by a polar bear who got into the outdoor steam sauna he was in.

Reactions

Twitter of course had a lot to say about what might be the most interesting headline in history. A lot of jokes were made about Abe Froman,  the “Sausage King of Chicago” from Ferris Bueller.

But Abe Froman, The Sausage King of Chicago is still good? pic.twitter.com/6oKl8s7agX

— LAPv3 (@LAPv3) November 2, 2020

Some people were saying that the murder mystery board game “Clue” needs to update their game to include  “in the sauna” and “by a crossbow.” The objective of the board game is to find out who killed the victim, where the crime took place, and what was the murder weapon, and the clues sound an awful lot like the headline “Russian oligarch killed in a sauna with crossbow” .

This reboot of the board game “Clue” is kinda wild.

— Eric Garland (@ericgarland) November 2, 2020

Others wondered if it was Tyrion Lannister from Game of Thrones who killed the Russian oligarch. Tyrion (spoiler alert) killed his father with a crossbow on the show.

And some were confused by the existence of outdoor saunas.

What’s an outdoor sauna? Do outdoor saunas exist? Doesn’t the nature of a sauna require you to be indoors. Isn’t an outdoor sauna just the jungle on a hot day? So many questions from just the first line of the article.

— Joe Kitch (@Joe_Kitch) November 2, 2020

All in all, while it is definitely sad a man has died, we can all appreciate the comic absurdity of the news “Sausage King’ killed in sauna with a crossbow” amidst all the election stress.