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Jeeeez Dept: Man Calls Cops After Being Fouled in Basketball Game

July 17, 2018

Today for the first time in my life…I experienced someone call the police because they got fouled hard in basketball. pic.twitter.com/9E8lp9fmwP

— Assistant to the Regional Manager (@_togs) July 17, 2018

We’ve had a lot of white people call the cops on people for no reason in the past month, particularly (or almost exclusively) on people of color. We’ve had ID Adam, Permit Patty, Barbecue Becky, Coupon Carl but this story, we’re not even sure what to make of it. The Police is not your irrational anxiety defense agency folks, as this one massive wimpy weirdo probably learned after calling the cops after getting fouled in a basketball game.

Yeah, that’s right. The police had to take time out of their day to drive to the gym and deal with what is, again, an adult calling the police after being fouled a fairly traditional basketball game in Virginia. Will be updating with information as it comes in on both this event, and the fouled man’s general weeniedom.

The tale was told in a thread from a Mr. TrapMoneyBenny, (@_togs on Twitter) which includes such incredible gems as —

He gets up tells everyone he’s going to call the police and walks out leaving everyone in gym confused

We thought he was joking til we saw buddy at the front desk on the phone really calling the police

Because we are absolutely journalists of the highest order, especially if it’s in stories about dudes who call the police because they got fouled too hard, here are the pertinent parts of the thread in question:

Aight so boom…

— Assistant to the Regional Manager (@_togs) July 17, 2018

Everyone at the gym and dude in the black with hands folded falls from a hard pick.

— Assistant to the Regional Manager (@_togs) July 17, 2018

He gets up tells everyone he’s going to call the police and walks out leaving everyone in gym confused

— Assistant to the Regional Manager (@_togs) July 17, 2018

We thought he was joking til we saw buddy at the front desk on the phone really calling the police

— Assistant to the Regional Manager (@_togs) July 17, 2018

Shooting Sleeves was NOT the one who called the police he was the screener not the “screenee”

— Assistant to the Regional Manager (@_togs) July 17, 2018

Cop finally comes and brings them out the gym to talk like it was an elementary school fight. You could tell he was blown cause his time was wasted

— Assistant to the Regional Manager (@_togs) July 17, 2018

Cop leaves and we are still left wondering why…

— Assistant to the Regional Manager (@_togs) July 17, 2018

Also while we are here, @_togs ended his thread asking for help raising money for his friend’s cancer treatments. You can find the link to the GoFundMe below.

While you’re here my friend @KiissMyDimples a mother of two girls, was recently diagnosed with cancer. If you could help it’d greatly be appreciated. https://t.co/D7mKW25odW

— Assistant to the Regional Manager (@_togs) July 17, 2018

Now back to the epic tale of fouling and cops.

Thomas Mulabah, a witness, gave Deadspin their own statement, saying:

“He had pushed him in the back before so he got hit with a hard screen at the top of the key and flew to the ground got up and walked out the door lol he went to the front desk and called the cop and waited for them. Then walked back in and sat down”.

Additionally, Mulabah created a video interviewing further witnesses about the incredibly stupid event:

https://twitter.com/liberiansoul/status/1019213541407100928

The full police report of uhh… this man getting fouled… can be read at the Huffington Post here, and includes this statement —

SUBJS ADMITTED THAT THEY “FOULED” EACHOTHER WHILE PLAYING BASKETBALL. NEITHER WANTED A REPORT AFTER I OFFERED. MANAGEMENT GAVE SUBJS ONE MORE CHANCE TO KEEP THE GAME CIVIL. IF NOT THEY WILL BOTH BE REMOVED FROM THE GYM FOR THE DAY. I PROVIDED MANAGMENT WITH MY DIRECT LINE IN CASE THERE ARE FURTHER ISSUES.

Uhh… don’t get people kicked out of the gym you guys.

What do you think of the story? Does everyone in it feel stupid just to be associated with it? Let us know in the comments or on Twitter at @WhatsTrending.