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Candidate’s Nude Bigfoot Erotica Threatens to Destroy Political Campaign

July 30, 2018

In the year 2018, of our Lord, who is maybe no one, a conversation regarding a white supremacist’s bigfoot erotica has taken the internet by storm, as such a discussion must. It all began when Democratic candidate Leslie Cockburn, a woman running for Virginia’s fifth district discovered two things about her opponent — Denver Riggleman. The first is a video of him hobnobbing and campaigning with a white supremacist (bad news, folks). And the second — two photos of a nude and sexualized bigfoot with his massive bigfoot dick out with a censor bar covering it (bad news folks and we — wait what!?)

My opponent Denver Riggleman, running mate of Corey Stewart, was caught on camera campaigning with a white supremacist. Now he has been exposed as a devotee of Bigfoot erotica. This is not what we need on Capitol Hill. pic.twitter.com/0eBvxFd6sG

— Leslie Cockburn (@LeslieCockburn) July 29, 2018

From my opponent Denver Riggleman’s Bigfoot erotica collection. pic.twitter.com/ELe0TWJh21

— Leslie Cockburn (@LeslieCockburn) July 29, 2018

I don’t know. I thought political discourse reached its nadir with Donald Trump talking about his own hog. Didn’t know we’d move on to bigfoot’s apparently massive hog.

Denver Riggleman’s Instagram account is currently set to private, as an account currently in the news for trumpeting the incredible nature of bigfoot’s sexual prowess is want to be, but that didn’t stop Twitter from discussing Bigfoot’s big old dick (whoa it’s true what they say about big feet whoa) and what it means about the current political system and– just kidding. They just kept talking about Denver Riggleman’s love of bigfoot and his mighty phallus.

Check out the current conversation regarding Bigfoot Dick, please!!!

political reporters being forced to talk about bigfoot’s dick is honestly my dream scenario

— Ashley Feinberg (@ashleyfeinberg) July 30, 2018

https://twitter.com/amandamull/status/1023752398580408322

https://twitter.com/pattymo/status/1023779556291997699

You know it’s a pretty sad state of affairs when you read that a republican is into Bigfoot erotica and your first thought is “At least he’s not a child molester.”

— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) July 30, 2018

I would vote for literally any candidate whose campaign slogan was “I’m horny for Bigfoot”

— pixelatedboat aka “mr tweets” (@pixelatedboat) July 30, 2018

The only thing that I take issue with is calling it erotica. Folks, he says it right there, it is apparently for a book called “Mating Habits of Bigfoot”. Implying the white supremacist senator is cranking his big racist dick to the concept of bigfoot fucking is simply unfounded. Although, who is bigfoot fucking if he’s a one of a kind? Well… we’ll have to read the damn book, won’t we?

Want more horrible stories about sexual encounters with cryptids? Well check out our video about every celebrity who claims they’ve had sex with a ghost! Then, want to see a ghost slam a door? Yeah you do! You can check out the ghost door slamming action here. If you want to then see some Grover content. Buddy, why not. Here’s some Grover content.

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